My Health Update- Meet Herbalife

If you've known me for any amount of time, you know that I have been overweight my entire life. There's a lot of angst that goes with that, and frustration.

I've posted so many times about being vulnerable. About how I'm going to workout everyday and not cheat and blah blah blah. I'm going to be the image of health. The poster-child with the best before and after picture you have ever seen.

All of that has been BS. Not that I didn't mean it or want it, but I definitely didn't follow through.

I've always thought that being healthy meant being a certain weight. That my beauty would come from weightloss and once I lost the weight, I would be a happier more godly woman and all that jazz.

No. That's a bunch of BS too.

Back in September I noticed my friend post something on facebook about this stuff called "Herbalife."

She was already skinny, but when she did a personal challenge for herself, she gained lots of muscle and energy.

I messaged her about it and ordered almost immediately. I didn't lose weight. I didn't gain muscle. I didn't lose inches. I was distraught, but something kept me drinking these shakes and considering these supplements.

I realized I had energy. I realized I had focus throughout the day. My hair was healthier, my skin clearer, and my nails (yes, my nails) were stronger. I told Kelsey (the girl who started me on Herbalife) about how I felt like I could never be a coach because who would trust someone selling a nutrition program that was severely overweight? I expressed that I felt like I had no results. She asked me a few questions and deduced that I did have results. The energy and the feeling better and stronger WERE results.

It's been about 8 months, and I still haven't really lost weight. BUT I am encouraged. I still have healthier nails and hair. I still have more focus throughout the day. I have virtually NO headaches, which is a HUGE deal for me considering I would deal with at least 3 headaches a week.

I've also found out that I am insulin resistant. This doesn't mean I have diabetes, but if I don't lose weight it could become that. Basically, my body doesn't use insulin the way it's supposed to. This makes a HUGE difference when it comes to dieting. I can't eat tons of carbs because my body won't process them as energy, but rather will take 90% of them and store them as straight fat.

Last week was the first week I tried to have the weight loss program be mine for real. I drank the two shakes a day and ate healthy throughout the day. My goal is to remain consistent with this plan for the next 3 weeks. AKA 21 days to start/break a habit.

I'm ordering tonight a supplement called "Cell Activator" that helps to promote absorption of nutrients in your body..which is basically what insulin resistance prevents.

I can't wait to have results like weight loss, but for now, I'm learning my beauty doesn't come from  being a healthy weight. I'm also learning that results don't always come in the way that you want them. So, if you're having an energy crisis where you are crashing mid-day, Herbalife has an answer for that. Maybe you want your metabolism boosted without having your heart jump out of your chest, Herbalife has a supplement for that. Maybe you're a body builder and need to get ready for a competition, Herbalife has LOTS to help with that.

Basically, whatever your needs are, Herbalife can help. It's a nutrition company, not a diet plan. I'd love to answer questions from you.

I'm deciding right now to do something different about my health. I don't want another diet plan. I want to understand nutrition and learn to manage my health with other healthy things that just so happen to fit into my budget REALLY well.

Here's to results of all kinds!

--Maggie Mae

You Make Me Brave

I've heard more often than not that being brave is something people were born with. People that are usually bold or extremely confident are considered brave. Even those of us that do things to prove how brave they are, like sky diving or bungee jumping.

Well, no. I just don't know that that's it. Brave people may have those characteristics. They may be bold and crass and extremely confident, but I think bravery is based on trust.

Last week at my life group, we sang this song that I had never heard of before during worship called "You Make Me Brave" by Amanda Cooke from Bethel. The song talks about how standing in the presence of God and His light you are washed over by crashing waves and how He calls your name and all this stuff. Eventually it gets to the bridge where it says, "You make me brave" repeatedly.

As I was singing this song, I really felt like I was diving into the lyrics and the meaning that the Lord was giving me behind it all. Maybe this message was just for me and my strange perspective, but I figured I'd share anyway!

So I'm listening about the waves crashing over you, envisioning it. How you would stand in this crazy, awe-inspiring presence that could utterly destroy you without blinking, and I realize that bravery isn't something you're born with and something that comes from being confident or incredibly extroverted. 

Bravery is something that develops from trusting something. When the bible (and the song) talks about weapons against us not remaining or fear not being anything to hinder us (Isaiah and in many other parts of the bible), that's because we have developed a trust for our God. And how do you develop trust? By earning it and proving time and time again that you're trustworthy and won't disappoint or let whomever down. 

Think of it like this: I read a story the other day about an old oak tree that had a support rigged against it like a crutch to help with the weight of one of its limbs. At first the tree didn't need it. The do-gooders just thought it might help, but years later the tree did need the support. If the tree were conscious, it probably would have doubted the support of the crutches at first, but by the time it needed the support, many years later, it wouldn't have had to think twice about the crutches being able to hold. The crutches would have proven their strength and "earned" the tree's trust simply by being there.

Turn that analogy into how we trust Jesus. He is always there for us, He is always providing His strength for us, and He is always extending His love and grace towards us. Basically, when we have to be brave we have to trust. 

We are put in a vulnerable spot where we could fall, bend, snap, or fail, and then we have to be bold --brave-- and step out. You have to trust whatever you're stepping out for. You have to get your bravery from the trust you have from whatever you have to be brave for.

You're not going to walk out onto the overlook at the Grand Canyon if you don't trust that the glass will hold. 

The Lord helped me realize that those times that I have been "brave" are the times I've been bold and have been trusting in Him entirely. Even the people that jump out of planes to prove their bravery are trusting their chute will open. Their bungee cord will hold. The cage that separates them from the deadly teeth of a great white will not bend.

Bravery isn't a character trait, in my opinion. It's a consequence of trust.

--Maggie Mae

Fear of Committing

My true fear of commitment has never been more apparent than when I am looking for a job.

Like many other post-college young adults, the thoughts are running through my head...Is this the right job? Will I like it? What if I hate it? 

The worst thing is I'm afraid of being recommended by any of my friends because I have this bad habit of not sticking with a job. You must understand, I'm a "Destination" person, not a "Journey" person. I look to the end of whatever it may be. I look far down the road and decide immediately whether or not I absolutely would hate the job or not. Then I don't even apply for it. I like to circular think, if you didn't catch that.

My most recent anxiety that spurred this short and chaotic post is the opportunity to work for a guy who does wedding photography/videography. I'd be an administrative assistant. I don't think this is the worst I could do by far. It would give me experience and eventually I could probably get raises or move to another company (after a while). The pay is fine. The incentives are good. It literally could provide me the experience I need to make whatever dreams I have come true. I know I'd be great at it, but I don't know if I'd love to do what I'd be great at.

So why am I afraid of even scheduling an interview? Simple. It's a 9-5 job. I have ALWAYS sworn to myself I would not allow myself to become stuck in a 9-5. My heart pounds thinking about a cubicle or fluorescent lighting for 8 hours every day. Perhaps it's not that bad.

I mean, most everyone has a 9-5 in some form or fashion. Really anyone that works 40 hours a week has some sort of schedule that requires them to work for 8 hours at a time in funky environments.

I might be giving myself a little pep-talk here, but if it worked out, the next terrifying dilemma I have created is what if my dream job opens up and I'm stuck at the 9-5?

The other side is what if my dream job doesn't open up? I want to write. What if I never get my own column in the local paper or what if I never make it to working for the Times?

Am I content enough to write just because I love it? I think that's the biggest and best question I may have ever pondered.

Am I content enough to do what I love, just because I love it?

Time to ponder and stress! Prayers appreciated for guidance and clarity.

--Maggie Mae

Baton Rouge College Of Champions: SCHOOL's OUT FOREVER!!!!

I'M DONE! I am FINALLY finished with my college career!!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!!!

Next week I will be a graduate! I will have earned, after a grueling five years of on and off college, my Associates of Science in Business Management from Baton Rouge Community College!

This journey has been a difficult one, and I am so thankful to those who have shared this experience with me whether it be with encouragement in the hard spots, financial assistance, prayers, or just the love of a friend (most importantly, my parents!!!). 

This journey has been one that has brought me heartache and laughter; experience and wisdom learned the hard way; and most importantly an appreciation for life, friends, and family that I share life with. I am so beyond grateful for the life I have been blessed with and the life I hope to create post-college.

I’d like to share just a bit about my journey through college. I never pictured myself going to LSU when I was in high school. I wanted to go out of state, but the LORD had different plans for me. He closed every door I tried to jump through to go out of state. Finally, after hearing God ask me to “just visit” the campus, I asked my dad to do a drive through. I felt an immediate and overwhelming peace that only the LORD could have given me. I accepted the LORD’s calling and applied to LSU. It was the only school I applied to, and I was accepted.

I moved into my dorm with an unknown roommate and got to have that wonderful first-year-with-a-crazy-roommate experience. She had an intense schedule, in her defense, that kept her up late at night and coming in early in the morning. Many a night I was woken by a slamming door and the lights flicking on. If it wasn’t her waking me up in the middle of the night, it was my neighbors. They were a couple sorority girls that would go to the bars and aim to find the LOUDEST guys they could. These men would sit outside my room and laugh and talk as loud as possible with deep voices that carried to China.

That same first year, I made some of the most meaningful friendships that will last a lifetime. I went on my first road trip with some people I didn’t know that well to the Passion Conference in Atlanta, Georgia to share together in our love for Jesus. The conference rocked, though our accommodations felt like rocks! Getting in at 1 or 2 am, showering, and finally falling asleep between 3 and 4 and waking up between 5 and 6 made for more interesting conversations and interactions between everyone each day. Regardless, the LORD moved throughout that time and it was worth it.

The next year I moved into my own house that I rented with two roommates from my dear parents. I’d love hosting friends “on the reg” and throwing parties for all of us to enjoy (safely, of course).

That spring semester, I started feeling very overwhelmed by school. My parents lovingly and gently suggested some time off might be a good idea, but that idea seemed more overwhelming than staying in school did. That summer, I participated in a summer internship at my church where I thought I would get clear and obvious direction from God. I didn’t.

In August 2011, I started back at LSU. I loved all my classes and professors, but for some strange reason, I fell behind quickly. Come midterms, I was overwhelmed and failing most of my classes. My sister comforted me and through lots of heavy prayers and tears, the answer became clear. 

The LORD was calling me to passionately and uninhibitedly follow Him, whatever and wherever that meant. So I decided I would withdraw from LSU and follow wherever God was to lead me.

Through the next 10 months, I followed the LORD’s instruction. I was passionately pursued by the LORD and He lead me to the jobs that would provide for me above and beyond. These may have been the most important months of my life.

I learned that I loved business and was great at it. I developed more business skills and gained a new appreciation for the working people in America. I met plain Janes and average Joes that were anything but mediocre. These people had stories I had only seen movies of. I also learned I wanted a degree so I didn’t have to be stuck at the bottom of a business, like I was.

The decision to return to school was clear, but I was going back to community college. This is where I believe God was leading (humbling) me. Somewhere that was completely different and out of my comfort zone. My pride said I was better than community college. I had gone to a flagship school! I had lived in the real world and these people were fresh out of highschool and not smart enough to get into LSU or sketchy.

I have never been more wrong.

The people I have met at BRCC have struggled, too. They are trying to improve their lives. Some are taking their prerequisites to transfer and, for others, it’s a better transition from high school.  Some were wise to take classes at a cheaper school before jumping into the extremity of cost that is universities.

I learned I am not above community college and it’s not “easier” or “less than” a “real” university.

I realized after much prayer and deliberation that I would get my Associates in Business Management instead of my 4 year, and if God called me to a four year later, so be it.

After two years at BRCC, I am proud to announce that come May 23, 2014 I will be graduating with my Associates of Science in Business Management, and I have learned so much more than just business management skills!

I’ll never be able to explain the feeling of that last final. The final that if blown, would put me back in school for one more class. The pressure of blanking when I saw the test. The fear and excitement as I remembered how to perform the necessary computations as I began to panic. And, mostly, the feeling I got from handing in that blue book and I passed. Walking from the classroom knowing I’d never have to take another written test like that again gave me such a euphoric feeling as I have never known.

I don’t know what’s next, but I’m so excited to see where the LORD will take me next! I feel like I have been on this fantastic adventure with Him since I graduated high school in 2009.

I would love to write professionally or do freelance photography and other art! I also want to start my own coffee shop in the next 5 years or so. I also plan on going on (well applying to go on) the World Race soon (date to be decided haha that’ll be a BIG posting!).

I’m living in today without the worry of tomorrow and, with God on my side, I know I can be successful in what I choose to do. God’s got my back, and that’s the most important lesson I could have learned in the past 5 years.

Here’s to the next chapter!

--Maggie Mae

Individuality and Being Set Free- I'm 23 Today

Today I am 23 years old. I should be excited about my birthday, but when I woke up all I wanted to do was cry.

All my life I have had this issue of comparing myself to those closest to me. "Oh she's prettier." "Boys like her, not me." "People like her better." "People don't care about me." All of the insecurities that come along with being a woman, or so I always assumed.

Then as I continued to observe these very women whom I compared myself to thinking they did the same thing and compared themselves continuously, I realized my actions were the strange ones. I was the ONLY one comparing myself. No one was sitting there saying, "She's not pretty enough like so and so." or "She'll never lose the weight." or "If she only acted like her she'd be more likable."

I WAS(AM) THE ONLY ONE THINKING THESE THINGS! 

As I continued to wake up, literally and metaphorically, I realized another important thing. It doesn't matter what other people think. It shouldn't matter if NOT ONE PERSON said happy birthday to me today. I am a woman of God and I should be getting my identity from Jesus, not how many people posted on my facebook and said happy birthday. Even my closest friends, if they were to forget, why would that matter? 

One moment of feeling unloved by the world should not negate the feeling and knowing of the eternal love I feel every day from God, from my living King. 

I was upset my friends didn't get people at restaurants to sing happy birthday to me this past weekend (yes I made it known I wanted that). I was upset a friend I thought I might celebrate my birthday with was having a friend of ours plan her a picnic and no one thought to include me in that.  I was upset my mom almost forgot to tell me happy birthday when I talked to her this morning. She would have remembered, but it's disappointing when you want to hear it the first phone call of the day.

But the first thing I did this morning --after my emotions were running high-- was walk into my back yard. The leaves are back on the trees, the vines are blossoming new flowers, honeysuckles line the fence, the hummingbird feeder was empty (refilled it), cardinals have nested in the honeysuckles, dragonflies and butterflies fluttered about, and my precious kitty ran outside and played in the grass. I was overwhelmed by the feeling the Lord gave me in just seeing some of my absolute favorite things all in one small location.

I knew in that moment, perhaps for the first time in my life, that the Lord truly SAW ME and truly LOVES me as an individual. Not because I'm friends with this person or that person or because I have a study bible or because I worked at this church or that. Just because I was Maggie Mae, and He loves that.

I feel better, obviously. I still care that people don't care for me the same way I would care for them on their birthday, but I'm not going to let it define my day or myself.

One last thought. On my birthday every year, I make my new year's resolutions because this is my new year. This year, I'm getting healthy. I want to be healthy physically, healthy emotionally, and healthy spiritually. The greatest part of those things though, is that they're continuous. In James it talks about letting perseverance finish so that we can be perfect. Well, here's some news. We'll never be perfect until the day Jesus comes back or the day we see Him face to face as we walk through those pearly gates. This year, my new year's resolution is more like a new life resolution.

Living in freedom and being set free.  

--Maggie Mae

Ask the questions

What if you could ask every question you always wondered about? What if you had the courage to ask anyone everything you've wanted to...

What if you did ask every question you worried about asking?
What would come from your lips?

For me I would ask if you ever cared. If you love her. If you loved her at the time. Do miss me?
Are you aware that I expect time from you? Do you know that I drop my own plans for you at times and I feel like you don't care about me half as much? Do you know that if you make plans with me I feel like you'll never follow through? Do you know I never confront you about your own feelings because I'm afraid you'll cut me out? Why can't you say I love you? Why do you never believe me? Why when I say yes it's not enough, but when I say no it's catastrophic? If I called you today, this moment, you would come for me? What would happen if I disappeared? Why did you choose me? Do you think it was by chance we met or destiny? What if we didn't meet? Would you care if we never spoke again? Do I mean anything to you now? Do you blame me? Do you know how much you hurt me daily? Do you know the depth of my fear of rejection? Do you care? Could you ever love me? Why her? What separates us?

Will asking any of these questions even change anything? What if I knew the answers? What would that change? Would my life continue on as is or would everything be irrevocably different?

Just some food for thoughts.

Dear Husband

Dear Husband,

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you look like. I don't know how tall you are or what color your eyes shine in the sun.

I don't know what your voice sounds like or where your parents are from. All I know is I love you but am so terrified to meet you, and if the Lord is good, as I know He is, He'll keep us apart for a time more.

I am in no way shape or form ready to meet you right now. My heart aches for you, some days you could even call it yearning, but most days, I'm afraid of meeting you. If I were to meet you right now, it'd be catastrophic. I'm just realizing the depths of my independence from God and my dependence on men.

I'm afraid of meeting you and not being ready to marry you. I mean, I know we wouldn't get married immediately or anything...not like this whirlwind romance (but that'd be cool ;P )...but I can't stand the thought of meeting you in this state, in this mess.

I'm such a mess! My heart wants to be lost in your eyes and rely on your strength. And all I hear you telling me is to stop talking and look to the Lord. I hear you telling me that you are nothing and that He is everything and I cannot rely on you because you're going to let me down. That you're only human and prone to falling short. You tell me that Jesus needs to be my one and only because you're going to disappoint me.

I hear you telling me how much you love me and how beautiful I am in your eyes. I hear the way you love the Lord and see me as He sees me with every single word you speak to me.

Even as I have this hypothetical conversation with you, I feel you encouraging me to be with the Lord and talk to Him about my issues before coming to you all boohooey.

I hear you telling me Jesus loves me more than you ever could. That He sees my heart in a way you simply cannot. I hear you sighing as I say you're right with a tearful eye.

But I also hear your laughter mixing with mine. I see you rolling your eyes at something absolutely absurd that I said. I see you taking care of me when I'm sick even though I'm stubbornly trying to clean or fix my own meals.

You have and continue to encourage me to look back to Jesus.

Oh my sweet, dear, hypothetical future husband. You're not promised to me and if we were to meet, well I hope it's far into the future because the Lord has a ton of work to do on my heart before we meet. I want my identity to be in Him before I meet you. I want my insecurities to be lost in His security and protection.

I can't wait to me you, if I ever do. I know God will do great things through our love, and through His love we will do small things that He will make great!

The curse is real, my dear. When God told Eve she'd have the desire for her husband to rule over her, well that's legit. It's a challenge every day and I'm on my way out of pretending like I'll ever be not a mess. My only desire is to learn to transfer my desire for you, to a desire for Christ alone. Because in reality, and I'm sure you would have told me this and will tell me this a thousand times over, Jesus is the only one that will ever satisfy me fully.

When we do meet, I'll still be a mess, but I'll be a mess with the Lord...which I kind of already am. Hmm...

--Maggie Mae

PS: how do you feel about being called "Pooky?" ;)