Fear of Committing

My true fear of commitment has never been more apparent than when I am looking for a job.

Like many other post-college young adults, the thoughts are running through my head...Is this the right job? Will I like it? What if I hate it? 

The worst thing is I'm afraid of being recommended by any of my friends because I have this bad habit of not sticking with a job. You must understand, I'm a "Destination" person, not a "Journey" person. I look to the end of whatever it may be. I look far down the road and decide immediately whether or not I absolutely would hate the job or not. Then I don't even apply for it. I like to circular think, if you didn't catch that.

My most recent anxiety that spurred this short and chaotic post is the opportunity to work for a guy who does wedding photography/videography. I'd be an administrative assistant. I don't think this is the worst I could do by far. It would give me experience and eventually I could probably get raises or move to another company (after a while). The pay is fine. The incentives are good. It literally could provide me the experience I need to make whatever dreams I have come true. I know I'd be great at it, but I don't know if I'd love to do what I'd be great at.

So why am I afraid of even scheduling an interview? Simple. It's a 9-5 job. I have ALWAYS sworn to myself I would not allow myself to become stuck in a 9-5. My heart pounds thinking about a cubicle or fluorescent lighting for 8 hours every day. Perhaps it's not that bad.

I mean, most everyone has a 9-5 in some form or fashion. Really anyone that works 40 hours a week has some sort of schedule that requires them to work for 8 hours at a time in funky environments.

I might be giving myself a little pep-talk here, but if it worked out, the next terrifying dilemma I have created is what if my dream job opens up and I'm stuck at the 9-5?

The other side is what if my dream job doesn't open up? I want to write. What if I never get my own column in the local paper or what if I never make it to working for the Times?

Am I content enough to write just because I love it? I think that's the biggest and best question I may have ever pondered.

Am I content enough to do what I love, just because I love it?

Time to ponder and stress! Prayers appreciated for guidance and clarity.

--Maggie Mae