When I first got to college in 2009, I became some whacko Holy-roller for a year or two. It probably started before then, but I only had a select group of friends that went to my church, my bible studies, and studied at the coffee shops that had "encouraging" atmospheres.
What?! Who was that person? I cannot imagine ever EVER going back to her. I love people too much. It's literally who God made me to be- to love people exactly where they are.
That's why over the past 4 or 5 years, I have had maybe a handful of "quiet times" with God. The times I pray I end up yelling and cursing (omg call the bible cops) at the sky and crying out with my full heart because I'm suddenly so overwhelmed and can't take not praying in SOME way anymore.
And then a few weeks ago I started a study with a group from my church about literally just opening up your bible and learning some truths. I hate Christianese so much even typing that gives me the willies....
But the cool thing was a lovely woman far beyond the wisdom of any of the girls in our group showed up on the second week. And as we were discussing a challenging question about why it's hard to "get into the Word," I explained I didn't want to do it a certain way because I didn't want to feel obliged, I wanted to WANT to spend time in prayer but I didn't want to get into a routine kind of thing....it's a guilt and routine complex I have.
This lovely lady with all the grace she carried looked at me and said I didn't have to have "God-time" like ANYONE else. It didn't have to be at 6am over coffee and bagels. It didn't have to be in the car. It didn't have to be knelt at the bedside. It didn't have to last 4 minutes and 33 seconds. I didn't have to read 2 chapters in the Old Testament, 1 chapter in Psalm, 1 chapter in Proverbs, and 2 chapters in the New Testament.... I didn't have to have a routine. I didn't have to do anything I was ever taught.
The next week, the words "quiet time" kept coming up in the study. And I was like, wait a minute.
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE QUIET?!
If you know me, you know I am not quiet. And if you don't know me, know this- I am the very definition of extrovert. I have literally walked up to people that I had already decided they would be my friend, introduced myself, and decidedly asked for their name and number so that we could hang out in the near future. Some of these are my best friends today...others ran away scared..oops. Now for all of you who are about to quote me the bible up and down about every time it says to be quiet so you can hear God and things about quiet still waters and Jesus getting away from it all to pray alone in a quiet place....I'm sorry but the author's of the bible probably didn't have ADHD and could concentrate on the same thing for more than 3 minutes at a time.
I NEED noise. I NEED "distraction." I NEED people around me to concentrate. I know it's absolutely blasphemous, but it's true. I'm in nursing school and get my best work done at busy coffee shops where I can put in earphones and listen, watch, write, and allow my ADHD crazy to run around while sitting relatively still for a longer period of time.
I also felt all kinds of FREEDOM when I had this little "you don't need to be quiet" revelation. Like God is with me all the time and I don't need to be quiet to hear him. I can't help but think maybe some people that preach silence for God-times just have a bad connection...not all, but some.
Anyway, I write this not to be a sasshole about quiet times because they ARE necessary for many many MANY people. But I write it for those that struggle to meet the status quo because you have never gotten the hang of being quiet with God.
So, my friends with ADHD prayers and lives, SHOUT IT OUT, surround yourself with the tactileness (probs not a word) of the Word and world, feel the grass under your feet, and know that whether you sit in complete and utter silence or by the train tracks next to the football stadium on a Saturday night to hear from God, He will speak to you regardless.
With love,
Maggie Mae
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