Apparently my last post was a bit premature, which im sure happens all the time in these situations.
While I still praise God that he sent in someone that was ready to listen to us and dive in and try to address the root cause of my dad's situation, we hit another roadblock.
The vascular doctor came in and was adamant that if my dad had mesenteric ischemia, he would be in tremendous pain, which he has virtually no pain other than his ulcer.
This is when I turn into a brat and start stomping my feet and I want to yell at the doctors and say "BUT THE OTHER ONE SAID HE MIGHT HAVE THE BEGINNINGS OF IT! WHY CANT WE JUST STOP IT NOW! STOP IT! DO SOMETHING! DOOO ITTT!" And I fall into a heap on the floor and just cry and beat my fist against the ground.
My grownup side says this could be a good thing. That if he's not a candidate for the stent or bypass, then it can't possibly be that serious. But then if it's not that serious, why aren't his electrolytes balancing on their own? Within 3 weeks they went haywire from the first hospital visit.
My brother's theory is that because of the ulcer, food isn't breaking down correctly before it enters his intestines and isn't being absorbed and that's affecting his electrolye balance.
I honestly don't know. I just finished my anatomy and physiology courses and I learned SO much, but unfortunately this is all beyond me. I've been up-to-date and able to understand up until now. Maybe I'm just shutting down. Maybe I'm done trying to figure it out.
I feel like such a brat because I dont want him to come home. I want the doctors to keep him and fix him. Stop making him ideal in the hospital and scratching their heads when we bring him back two weeks later because we haven't been giving him saline solutions to balance his sodium and potassium (or whatever they're giving him) and we're letting him take all SIXTEEN medications daily as opposed to taking him off of them in the hospital because he's being closely monitored.
I dont want them to send him home so that my mom and I can watch him continue to die slowly again...sorry for the morbidity but that's how it feels.
And to not know if we're hurting him! Last week I was taking him for a walk everyday because he said he was weak. We interpreted weak as he hasn't moved for 3 or 4 months because he hasn't felt well and he needed strength. Not an electrolye imbalance that was not allowing his muscles to function properly.
Two weeks ago he told my mom he couldn't write a check. That was a sign. We had no idea. The signs were there, but we are just so ignorant of them.
My brother says maybe there's a class we can take to learn the signs...in my head I just chuckle and think "yea, maybe nursing school." Or, here's an idea, the doctors could do something for him that when he comes home he won't decline so rapidly that he ends up back in the ER 3 weeks later.
I'm sorry, I know I'm ranting and venting and sounding like a child, but that's what I am. I am his child. I am daddy's little girl and I just want him to be better.
My love,
Maggie Mae
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