Welcome to My Quarter-life Crisis

I'm terrified.

I'm afraid of having to be a "real" adult. I'm in the stage of life where school is coming to a close, and while I'm thrilled about that, it's the only thing I've known for the past 17ish years. Soon I will have to get a job or freeload off my parents, and since living with my parents again makes me consider living in my car, I will have to become employed soon.

In May I will graduate with my Associate's in Business Management. Woo! But I've never managed a business and I have little to no "real" work experience. I have had numerous jobs, but have a horrible record with hating jobs and leaving them, no matter how much I excelled at them. It's a fear of being stuck there. I love so many things, how can I be stuck at one place for such a long time?

There's never been a job I could think of that I would love as my career. I would love to get married and have a child and be a stay at home mom..but not at 23. I want to have adventure in the next few years before any of that serious love stuff starts. I want to travel! I want to write! I want to do all these things that I said I would do before I was an "adult."

I don't know what the next year holds. I don't know what kind of job I should get or apply for. I don't know if I'll use my degree. My stomach churns at the thought of a cubicle...I have this idea in my head of the same thing every day, and it's quite literally nauseating. I feel like I haven't learned anything academic in the past 5 years that will help me land a job because of my "skills"...whatever they may be.

As I sit here in my piles of fuzzy throws, robe, and now cold coffee watching my day time TV shows (Roseanne currently, Sex and the City next), my anxiety and heart quicken.

In five months I will graduate. I will be expected to get a job and live a normalish life. I don't want a normal life, I want adventure. I want surprise and love and fun and a life of unexpectancy!

Oh god...I want a movie life. The thought of something else is just...unacceptable.

Then I remember that takes money, and I have none of that. So I'll get a job, then I won't have the time. I want a job that is fun, exciting, allows me to travel, and be who I am. I know others feel similarly, but I literally fear getting a normal job.

Praying for guidance, opportunity, peace, and clarity.

Welcome to my quarter-life crisis.
--Maggie Mae