You may wonder what lead to this new reading habit. Well, cool story ahead!
This past Thursday, at my community group, God broke through me. I described it to one friend as "He screamed beautifully into the dark spots of my heart." I have been trying to figure out how to reveal these hidden spots that I haven't allowed God's light to touch just yet. That's the whole "Freedom in Christ" thing I've been dealing with.
During our worship time, God began to ask me to give him my heart. I countered him with things like "but this person made me feel this way, and I liked it, and this made me feel like this so I like it.." so on and so forth. That's when he spoke something my heart had never accepted before because I have issues, like I like to control people around me and have them make me feel good and when they disappoint me I move on to the next thing that will give me that "high." (The "he" in this is the men I've dated or given my heart to in one way or another and just my sins in general..in another post their known as "Bobert".)
I can make you feel the way he did. Every good thing any he has made you feel, I can give you. I can make you safe. I can make you warm. I can make you happy. I can take your insecurity. I can tell you you're beautiful and make you feel it. I can make you feel worthy of commitment. I can give you peace. I can be that shoulder. I can be that man. Let me be your man. I will respect you. I can be trusted. I will be faithful. I promise you all these things, my sweet bride. My sweet beautiful daughter, my princess. I love you. Don't think of how. Just let me do what I do. Let me love you and I promise I will make you fall in love with me like you have fallen in love before. Just give me the chance. 7 years ago you gave your life to me, trusted your eternity with me. Now trust your heart to me. Give your heart to eternity with me. Please. I love you.
Basically, he proposed. He asked me to let him pursue me. When I questioned what that looked like he told me he had already written me this amazing love letter (more like amazing love epic) and all I had to do was read it and let him speak to me throughout the day. Like, as if the bible was a really long text I could just pick up and feel pursued by my crush. So, I started reading in John because if you haven't read the bible, that's where it's suggested you start reading.
So here I am, in John chapter 2 reading about Jesus' miracle in Cana. He had just changed the water to wine and the servants brought the new wine to the master of the ceremony. The master told the bridegroom how interesting it was that he saved the best for last when usually you drink the good stuff first, get everyone drunk, and then dig into the crappy stuff.
This image is how God pursues us. How relationships (romantic between man and woman) are supposed to be! Just roll with me for a minute....
When we first enter into a relationship with our crushes not sure how it will go, we pretty up. On both sides we dress nicely, shower regularly, spray perfume, put on makeup, do our hair, etc etc. But as we continue with our crush and things become more serious and you begin to know each other better, those pretty things tend to be put aside and become less important (though you should always shower regularly). The more you and your crush drink each other in as you date, the more drunk you become with infatuation and then with love (if it goes that far), you don't worry about looks (or the things you're insecure in) as much. The "best" (or what we thought was the best) has happened and it's all down hill from there. But wait! Suddenly you're engaged and planning a wedding. You continue in the comfort you two have developed over the past several months or years and not dress up tons and keep to the routine of things, but you secretly diet and work out, plan you're hairdo, makeup, and what you'll wear. Then comes the wedding day. You are both dressed to impress, especially the bride. The bridegroom weeps as he sees the true "best" realizing she had saved the best for last. She weeps because she looks down at the bridegroom as she approaches and knows he saved his best for her as well.
Through their journeys together they did not use each other up, but Jesus came in and once they were just water, he turned them into the best wine that was reserved for the end, for marriage. The wine that's meant to be enjoyed last and most thoroughly because you no longer have the insecurities and inhibitions you once did when you first started dating.
As God told me that he wanted to pursue me, that he wanted to be my boyfriend and date me and make me fall in love with him, this image is perfect. I prettied up at the beginning with God. Dressed in my best Sunday clothes, never cussed, didn't do "bad" things, and when people asked how I was, I always answered, "I'm great!" But then life happened and reality hit. I became complacent and allowed the sweatpants to enter the relationship. I slacked on communicating with Jesus and let myself become "drunk" in complacency.
Now that he's proposed, I'm getting ready for the wedding. He still sees me in my sweats. I still burp around him. He still hangs out with me even when I do the "bad" things of life. But when I die and enter into my sweet and holy union with him in heaven, he's gonna weep and so am I, because this life isn't my best wine.
My best wine is in heaven with my eternal Groom.
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