Food

Food.

It's like I can't stop. I eat it and eat it. i know what's bad for me, but everything that is bad I crave as soon as I sit down.

It's here. It's good and I feel like I need it. I haven't spoken about it with anyone in years because my bitch of a sister decided that she had the same "eating disorder" as myself and when I wanted to talk about myself for once, I was told I minimized her problems. But instead she minimized mine and took away my voice with it.

Since then I've been ashamed or scared to talk about it.

I think about food and weight on a constant basis. I try to talk myself out of the anxiety that goes with it, but it never works. Not entirely anyway.

I always feel like I should just work out. That will make it better. But I feel like if I work out and I'm not sore, it wasn't worth it. Then I hurt myself. And if I can't work out what's the point?

It just irritates me. I need to talk about this.

I need to figure out how to do this with god. I need to know how to glorify him with my body. And my confidence isn't the only way I need to honor him with my body.

But is do it for god enough? It should be. It REALLY should be.

I've given it to god over and over again. But...I always take it back. Why?